Adoptive parents and adopted child looking at sunset in a field
  • SEPTEMBER 14, 2022

How to Find the Right Adoptive Parents for Your Baby

“How do I find adoptive parents for my baby?” is one of the biggest questions in the adoption process. But finding adoptive parents is just half of the question. Many birth mothers are just as worried about finding the right adoptive parents for their baby. There are many families waiting to adopt, so the process is on your side. You get to pick from a range of families and decide who the best family for your baby is. There’s a lot to consider when it comes to choosing an adoptive family for your baby, but this guide can help you decide what’s important to you.

How Do I Find Adoptive Parents for My Baby?

The best way to find adoptive parents is through an adoption agency. Agencies often have ways to vet families and make sure that they’re responsible and ready to adopt. They can also make the process easier for you. Many adoption agencies do the legwork and manage the lists of waiting families for you. Agencies can also help walk you through the process so you’re not deciding on a family by yourself.

Many adoption agencies can help you make an adoption plan. That way, you know what decisions you want to make at each stage of the adoption process. With an adoption plan and a trusted adoption professional, it’s easier to make the difficult decisions. Part of the adoption plan is choosing a family, and an agency can help make the process easier with their experience and advice.

If you choose to go another way, you can find an adopting family online or through people you know. Even if you look for an adopting family on your own, you’ll need an adoption agency or a lawyer to help you complete the adoption. 

How Do I Evaluate Adoptive Parents?

Once you’ve decided how you’ll find an adopting family, you need to think about how you’ll evaluate families. You want to have your baby grow up with the right adoptive parents, and it helps to think about what that means for you. 

Talk to potential parents

One of the best ways to see if a family is the right fit is to talk to the parents directly. Many adoption agencies can direct these conversations so it happens on your terms. When you talk to potential adoptive parents, ask questions about their family life or how they plan on raising the baby. It also helps to ask personal questions so you get a feel for who they are as people. 

Get advice

Don’t forget to lean on your friends and family during this process. They can help you think about what’s important to you and what kind of family your baby should grow up with. Think about sharing the profiles of adopting families with your friends and family. Or, have them help you come up with a list of qualities you want in your baby’s potential family. If you don’t have trusted advisors, you can always turn to an adoption agency to help you talk through your options and decisions.

Trust yourself

At the end of the day, your judgment is most important. Stay true to what’s important to you and trust your gut. You want to go with what feels right for you and your baby. As much as instincts can help you narrow down potential families, having a list of qualities you want can help you make smart, thoughtful decisions.

What is the Right Adoptive Parent?

When you’re looking at adoptive families, you need to decide what the best family for your baby is. One of the best ways to make sure you’re making the right decision is to put thought into what your ideal family is. Coming up with a list of qualities that you’re looking for in an adoptive family is a good way to stay on track and make the best decision for you and your baby. The right adoptive parent is different for every birth mother, but you can start by thinking about a few different qualities.

Expectations for adoption

One of the best ways to pick or eliminate a potential family is with their expectations for adoption. You want to make sure that your ideal adoption aligns with their expectations. If you know you want a closed adoption, you don’t want to look at families who only want open adoptions. Knowing what kind of adoption you want can make narrowing down the pool of families easier.

Cultural considerations

Another way to find the right adopting family is to think about what kind of cultural background you want your child to have. Families who share similar values with you could be a good fit. Consider characteristics like:

  • LGBTQ+ family if you are an ally
  • Family with similar cultural background
  • Family with similar language background
  • Family with similar religious beliefs

Parenting Styles

Similar to cultural considerations, parenting styles can be a deciding factor for you. Think about what kind of family and structure you want your child to grow up with. Do you want a family who believes in strict rules and structure? Do you want a family who is more relaxed and goes with the flow? It’s a good idea to ask potential adoptive parents what their parenting style will be and think about how it aligns with your expectations.

Family Structure

Another important consideration is what kind of family you want your child to grow up with outside of the parents. Many families waiting to adopt already have children while others are waiting to become parents. There are many different types of families, so you should think about what situation would be best for your child. Consider situations like:

  • Only child
  • Family with siblings
  • Family with genetically related children
  • Single parent household
  • Two parent household
  • LGBTQ+ household
  • Family with other adopted children

Geographical considerations

Finally, you should think about where you want your child to grow up. Sometimes this is easier when you know if you want an open or a closed adoption. If you know you want an open adoption, it’s a good idea to look for families close to you so visiting is easier. No matter what kind of adoption you want, geography is an important factor. You could have a local adoption, an adoption within your state, or an adoption anywhere in the country. It’s up to you and your preferences, but you should put some thought into it.


Adoption is a big decision and it can be hard to think about what the right adoptive family will be for your baby. ABSA’s caring case workers can help guide you through the adoption process, including choosing adoptive parents. Get in touch with us 24/7 and we can help you find the perfect family for your baby.